How can you negotiate with someone who is defensive?

1 Identify the source of defensiveness

The first step to negotiate with someone who is defensive is to understand why they are acting that way. Defensiveness is often a sign of fear, insecurity, or vulnerability. The other party may feel threatened by your proposal, perceive you as an adversary, or have a history of negative experiences with negotiation. By identifying the source of defensiveness, you can tailor your approach and address their concerns.

2 Use active listening

The second step to negotiate with someone who is defensive is to use active listening. Active listening is a skill that involves paying attention, reflecting, summarizing, and asking questions to show interest and understanding. By using active listening, you can demonstrate respect, build rapport, and reduce tension. You can also uncover the underlying interests, needs, and emotions of the other party, which can help you find common ground and solutions.

3 Acknowledge and validate

The third step to negotiate with someone who is defensive is to acknowledge and validate their feelings and perspectives. Acknowledging and validating does not mean agreeing or conceding, but rather showing empathy and recognition. By doing so, you can reduce their defensiveness and increase their openness and trust. You can also avoid escalating the conflict or making them feel attacked or criticized.

4 Reframe the situation

The fourth step to negotiate with someone who is defensive is to reframe the situation from a problem to an opportunity. Reframing is a technique that involves changing the way you present or perceive a situation to make it more positive, constructive, or collaborative. By reframing, you can shift the focus from positions and demands to interests and goals. You can also emphasize the benefits of working together, the shared values and vision, and the potential outcomes.

5 Offer options and alternatives

The fifth step to negotiate with someone who is defensive is to offer options and alternatives. Options and alternatives are possible ways to satisfy the interests and needs of both parties. By offering options and alternatives, you can show flexibility, creativity, and willingness to compromise. You can also invite the other party to participate in generating and evaluating options and alternatives, which can increase their sense of control and ownership.

6 Seek feedback and confirmation

The sixth step to negotiate with someone who is defensive is to seek feedback and confirmation. Feedback and confirmation are ways to check for understanding, agreement, and satisfaction. By seeking feedback and confirmation, you can ensure that you have addressed the concerns and expectations of the other party, and that they have understood and accepted your proposal. You can also express appreciation, reinforce the positive aspects of the negotiation, and suggest the next steps.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?