Giving feedback is an essential skill for any professional, but not everyone is open to hearing it. Sometimes, you may encounter an unwilling listener who is defensive, dismissive, or hostile to your feedback. How can you deal with this situation and deliver your message effectively? Here are some tips to help you give feedback to an unwilling listener.
Before you give feedback, try to understand the context of the situation. What are the goals, expectations, and challenges of the listener? What is their relationship with you and the feedback topic? How do they prefer to receive feedback? By considering these factors, you can tailor your feedback to suit their needs and preferences, and avoid triggering their negative emotions.
Timing and setting are also important when giving feedback. You want to choose a time and place that are conducive to a constructive conversation, not a confrontation. Avoid giving feedback when the listener is busy, stressed, or distracted. Instead, find a quiet, private, and comfortable space where you can talk without interruptions or distractions. Also, ask for their permission and availability before you start giving feedback, so that they feel respected and prepared.
In Marathi literature it is always emphasised that A good leader is one who praise in public and criticise in private. This is aptly applicable in feedback also. Positive feedbacks should always be given in team presence. It increases confidence of receiver and motivates others too. Negative feedback should be given when receiver is alone or surrounded by lesser people. It will avoid probability of receiver getting offended.
The sandwich method is a popular technique for giving feedback, especially to an unwilling listener. It involves sandwiching a negative or constructive feedback between two positive or affirming ones. For example, you can start by praising the listener for something they did well, then point out an area of improvement, and then end with another compliment or encouragement. This way, you can balance the feedback and reduce the listener's defensiveness or resentment.
Combining Negative feedback with positive feedback is very effective way of giving feedback. Reminding the receiver about his or her past or other areas achievements can increase his or her willing to hear. We can add the area the points in feedback about which he or she is more sensitive or passionate. For example, if you increase your focus you can grow your career, money, reputation, realation with team etc. Things which listener feel are important.
Another tip for giving feedback to an unwilling listener is to be specific and objective. Avoid vague, general, or personal statements that can be interpreted as attacks or judgments. Instead, use facts, examples, and data to support your feedback. Focus on the behavior, not the person. Use "I" statements to express your observations, feelings, and expectations, rather than "you" statements that can sound accusatory or blaming.
Giving feedback is not a one-way communication. You also need to listen and empathize with the listener's perspective and response. Show that you care about their feelings and opinions, and acknowledge their strengths and efforts. Ask open-ended questions to invite their feedback and input, and clarify any misunderstandings or disagreements. Try to understand the root cause of their resistance or reluctance, and address it with respect and compassion.
Empathizing with the feedback receiver is very important. If you can't put yourselves in the shoes of receiver, then feedback may not prove useful. Asking hurdles and providing assistance is the ideal feedback. Feedback shall always constructive and backed with intention of improvement and not mere criticism.
Finally, giving feedback to an unwilling listener requires follow-up and support. Don't just give feedback and walk away. Check in with the listener regularly and monitor their progress and improvement. Provide them with resources, guidance, and assistance if needed. Recognize and celebrate their achievements and changes. Reinforce the positive outcomes and benefits of the feedback, and show your appreciation and trust.