How can you give feedback that is both supportive and challenging?

So many people cringe when they hear the word 'feedback' - we immediately go to 'what have I done now?' Feedback is about two things: 1. behaviours we want to keep 2. behaviours we want to change Back in my L&D days I learned about a great model of giving constructive feedback using the non-violent communication principles - which I teach to this day: - share your perspective - I noticed... - share how you feel about it - I'm concerned, worried, etc - share the solution you're proposing / what you'd like to see changed - 'I'd like to make sure we correct this..' - ask for input from the person you are providing feedback to - 'What can we do to make sure this changes / What support do you need? / What other options are there? etc.

As someone who has coached and trained employees in customer service for many years, I've learned a lot about how to provide feedback, observe how the employees respond to it, and make adjustments to the coaching as needed. Here are some other factors that have helped me throughout the years: 1) Start with employee strengths. Employees need to know what they are doing well and how their strengths are benefitting their overall performance and the company's growth. 2) Many companies use the term "weakness", but using the word "opportunities" is better. When providing this type of feedback, explain the error, advise them of the correct way of doing this, and provide solutions for them to follow to turn those opportunities into strengths.

Setting SMART goals and expectations from the beginning is crucial. Feedback should be provided on a regular basis so there are no surprises from both sides. Monitor progress and acknowledge achievements; be open to pivoting where and when necessary according to changing landscapes.

I love the idea of being radically candid when providing feedback: care personally and challenge directly. You can't go wrong when you come from a place of care to support the other person's growth. Designing a communication alliance between each other before giving feedback helps a lot - it helps build trust, remove judgment from the conversation, and help both parties assume positive intent. You can start by sharing the behaviors you'd like to give feedback on and making the other person aware of the (unintentional) negative impact they might have on you and/or the team. Allow them to accept, reject, or provide a different perspective before discussing the changes that need to happen to move forward.

Delivering feedback that is both supportive and challenging involves a balanced approach. Begin by acknowledging the individual's strengths and specific accomplishments. Clearly outline areas for improvement, focusing on behaviors rather than personal traits. Offer specific examples to illustrate your points, and encourage open dialogue to understand their perspective. Emphasize that the feedback is aimed at growth and development, not criticism. Provide actionable steps for improvement and express confidence in their ability to meet challenges. This blend of support and challenge fosters a positive environment for continuous improvement.

While the sandwich method is most common, there are many other methods like SBI or the GROW model which give greater depth and structure to feedback. The GROW model is particularly effective for coaching and developmental feedback, emphasizing collaboration and goal-oriented discussions. Ultimately, the key is to tailor your feedback approach to the specific situation, the individual's preferences, and the nature of the feedback. Providing feedback that is clear, specific, and actionable is crucial for its effectiveness, regardless of the method used.

Many coaches struggle with framing something as positive in a truly difficult situation. This is where the sandwich is more of an art than a science. The positive feedback can be based on future potential rather current performance and events. Provide feedback that emphasizes you believe the recipient can achieve great things.

Steer clear of the conjunction "but" when weaving together positive and constructive feedback using this approach. The reason lies in how the positive feedback, when followed by a "but," tends to diminish the importance of what comes next. So instead of "You're doing a good job but you're missing important meetings." Try: "You are doing good work on the assigned project. To make the project even more successful, let's work on improving your meeting attendance."

Providing feedback in coaching, as already said is much more broader than the positive and negative headings of the sandwich method, including the learning and insightful. The main aim is for feedback to be respectfully constructive.

Using the sandwich method to give feedback has been valuable in my leadership toolkit. This approach involves starting with positive feedback, followed by constructive criticism, and ending with positive reinforcement. Reflecting on its application, I've found it to be a balanced way to ensure the feedback is both supportive and challenging. For example, when discussing a team member's project, I might praise their innovative approach, address areas where the execution could improve, and conclude by reiterating my confidence in their abilities. This method helps maintain morale and motivates individuals to work on the areas that need improvement while feeling valued and supported.

Making them realise their potential by asking personalized questions curated for the situation is crucial. Because it comes from within and not from outside. So it will make them realise a lot of things. These types of feedback definitely change the thought process of the individual and work effectively.

Questions that help provide both support and challenge include: What is the current problem you are facing? What is working? What is not working? What is one change you could make to make a positive change based on your goal? This approach acknowledges both the positives and what needs to be changed with a call to action.

While everyone loves the sound of their own voice, coaching is all about asking the right questions and aiming at the influencing the mindset of the coachee in the right way. It helps the coachee to look for answers within and spell them out loud.

Open-ended questions serve as a partnership tool, enabling teachers to actively participate in shaping their professional development plan. This approach provide a more personalized and effective growth process by encouraging teachers to reflect deeply, identify their own needs, and engage in meaningful dialogue. It provides a balance of support and challenge, fostering a sense of ownership and empowerment in their professional journey.

Personally, this is my preferred method for two reasons: 1. Most humans do not have a negative reactions when asked a question. In my experience, people don’t like to be told what they should do differently, even if that’s exactly what they’ve asked for. 2. Guiding your mentee toward a solution through targeted questions leads to a higher adoption rate of the solution. Because our true goal as coaches/mentors is to help people reframe their perspective and become more creative in how they approach challenges.

One of the ways to create data for intangible situations, is to ask your mentee to treat alternative solutions like science experiments: 1. Acknowledge the trigger event 2. Note your initial reaction and how you would “normally” handle the situation 3. Apply the alternative solution 4. Make note of result (did it work/not work, how did you feel during afterward) You can then compare this with notes from prior situations and show your mentee their progress, as I find it’s often difficult for them to see it on their own. Then celebrate that success! Remind them building good habits takes time and that they are taking steps in the right direction.

Examples and Evidence are a fundamental starting point. In my experience, after you present the facts is always important to stop and listen to the perspective from the other party. With this, sometime, I discover biases I wasn't aware off.

Incorporating examples and evidence in feedback is crucial for its effectiveness. I have used data and industry best practices as examples in my coaching conversations to make the feedback more tangible. It’s a powerful way to validate points, encourage reflection, and motivate continuous growth.

Feedback is not a one-time activity. Therefore, constant and consistent follow-up and follow-through is important. This helps the employee/ coachee know that they are important and that their supervisor is interested in their development. Follow-through also helps ensure that the employee/ coachee is in the right direction.

Consistent follow-up and regular check-ins provide continuous engagement which is an opportunity to reinforce the initial feedback, celebrate improvements, and address any ongoing challenges. Additionally, soliciting feedback on my coaching approach helped refine my methods, ensuring they were tailored to the individual’s needs and learning style. This cycle of feedback and follow-through not only promotes accountability but also fosters a collaborative and evolving coaching relationship, crucial for sustained development and growth.

In my role as a manager, I've found great success in giving feedback by employing the GROW method (Goals, Reality, Options, Wrap-up). This approach allows me to support and challenge my team effectively, and has not only helped in communicating feedback but has also strengthened the trust and rapport within my team, driving us towards collective success.

Upon reading this the first thing that popped in my head was adding in the word AND instead of BUT...kick BUT out! This might sound simple and it's a life-giving tool. When we use "and" language instead of "but," people usually hear the full sentence. This is different from the sandwich method as this is all within one sentence. When we say, for example "you did a great job .... but you need to ...." research shows, most people never hear anything before the word "but." If I say, "you did a great job and, you need to..." You at least hear the good with the improvement request at the end. It's been a real simple way to pivot and use the art of language.

Empathy towards the work our colleagues and subordinates are handling is a crucial part of the feedback giving process. Understanding the WHY behind the requirement of this particular feedback can help us go to the root cause and make sure, we see it being implemented.

One of the most helpful things I've seen as a good practice is not necessarily related to the feedback itself but to the moment before. Invest time in knowing who's the one in front of you! Macro and Micro environment is the tool that you can use to learn about the mentee and understand the beliefs, the behavior, and what type of feedback will be both challenging and supportive. Ps. For really impacting someone, be genuinely supportive! I personally don't advise mixing supportive feedback ( which should not be considered feedback but more like a talk, depending on the receiver) with feedback over driving activities not to mention, corretional feedback.

Feedback can feel threatening if the person is deeply attached to the behavior in question. So it can be supportive to create some detachment by using this simple phrase - "a part of you may enjoy this / want to continue this pattern". And then help them see there are other parts of them that they can call, by giving an example of how they've demonstrated better behavior in a different situation (this is constructive feedback which is also empowering because you're reminding them that they already have the skills to do it differently).