How can you express your needs to a mentor when ending a mentoring relationship?

1 Prepare in advance

Before you have the conversation with your mentor, think about why you want to end or change the relationship, and what you have learned from it. Write down your main points and practice saying them out loud. Be clear about your goals and expectations, and how they have changed over time. Also, think about how you can show your gratitude and appreciation for your mentor's time and effort.

2 Choose the right time and place

When you are ready to talk to your mentor, schedule a meeting that is convenient and comfortable for both of you. Avoid busy or stressful periods, such as deadlines or performance reviews. Choose a private and quiet place, such as a coffee shop or a conference room, where you can have a candid and respectful conversation. If you are not able to meet in person, arrange a phone call or a video chat.

3 Be honest and positive

During the meeting, be honest and positive about your reasons for ending or changing the mentoring relationship. Explain how your needs have evolved, and how you want to pursue new opportunities or challenges. Avoid blaming or criticizing your mentor, or making them feel rejected or unappreciated. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, and how it has helped you grow and develop. Express your gratitude and recognition for your mentor's contributions, and give specific examples of how they have supported you.

4 Discuss the next steps

After you have shared your feelings and thoughts, discuss the next steps with your mentor. Ask them how they feel about your decision, and listen to their feedback and suggestions. If you want to change the relationship, rather than end it, propose some options for how you can continue to stay in touch or collaborate. For example, you may want to switch to a less formal or frequent mode of communication, or seek their advice on specific topics or projects. If you want to end the relationship, agree on a timeline and a way to wrap up the current activities or goals. Also, ask them if they are open to staying in contact as a professional network or a friend.

5 Follow up and stay connected

After the meeting, follow up with your mentor by sending them a thank-you note or a gift. Reiterate your appreciation and respect for them, and summarize the main points of your conversation. If you have agreed to change the relationship, confirm the new arrangements and expectations. If you have agreed to end the relationship, express your hope to stay connected and updated on each other's progress. Keep in touch with your mentor by sending them occasional messages or updates, or inviting them to events or activities that may interest them.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?