How can you engage and understand others better?

1 Know your own style

The first step to engaging and understanding others better is to know your own communication style and preferences. Are you more introverted or extroverted, analytical or intuitive, assertive or cooperative, direct or indirect? Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your triggers and motivations, can help you adapt your style to different situations and people. You can use various tools and assessments, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the DiSC model, to discover your personality type and communication style.

2 Learn about others' styles

The second step to engaging and understanding others better is to learn about their communication styles and preferences. How do they like to receive and share information, feedback, and ideas? What are their goals, values, and interests? What are their challenges, fears, and frustrations? You can use various techniques and questions, such as active listening, open-ended questions, paraphrasing, and empathy, to elicit and understand their perspectives and needs. You can also observe their verbal and non-verbal cues, such as tone, body language, and facial expressions, to get a sense of their emotions and attitudes.

3 Adjust your style

The third step to engaging and understanding others better is to adjust your communication style and approach to match theirs. This does not mean that you have to change who you are or compromise your authenticity, but rather that you have to be flexible and respectful of their preferences and expectations. For example, if you are talking to someone who is more introverted, you might want to give them more space and time to think and process information, rather than bombarding them with questions or opinions. If you are talking to someone who is more direct, you might want to be more clear and concise, rather than vague or ambiguous.

4 Build rapport and trust

The fourth step to engaging and understanding others better is to build rapport and trust with them. Rapport is the feeling of connection and harmony that you establish with someone, while trust is the belief that they are reliable and honest. You can build rapport and trust by showing genuine interest and curiosity, finding common ground and shared values, expressing appreciation and gratitude, giving positive feedback and recognition, and being consistent and reliable. You can also use humor, stories, and compliments to create a friendly and relaxed atmosphere.

5 Manage conflicts and disagreements

The fifth step to engaging and understanding others better is to manage conflicts and disagreements that may arise. Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but they can also be opportunities for learning and growth, if handled constructively. You can manage conflicts and disagreements by staying calm and respectful, acknowledging and validating their feelings and concerns, focusing on the issue rather than the person, seeking to understand rather than to blame, and finding solutions that benefit both parties. You can also use negotiation, compromise, and apology skills to resolve disputes and restore harmony.

6 Seek feedback and improvement

The sixth and final step to engaging and understanding others better is to seek feedback and improvement on your communication skills. Feedback is the information that you receive from others about your performance and behavior, while improvement is the action that you take to enhance your skills and outcomes. You can seek feedback and improvement by asking for and accepting constructive criticism, reflecting on your strengths and areas for development, setting specific and measurable goals, and practicing and applying new skills and strategies. You can also use mentors, coaches, or peers to support you in your learning journey.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?