How can you communicate effectively and assertively when you have an external locus of control?

Let's cut right to it - feeling powerless over your circumstances can seriously impact strong communication. But here's the truth: you always have a choice in how you respond, regardless of external factors. Let go of the victim mentality and cultivate an inner locus of control. Own your role, embrace your agency, and speak up with intention. When you take responsibility for clear self-expression, you regain communicative power. It's a mindset shift, but one that pays dividends through more confident, impactful dialogue.

Strong internal locus of control, one think that he/she has total influence over the events in our life.One is motivated and dedicated to achieving the goals established for self. These reasons explain why individuals who have strong internal locus of control typically become good leaders. You undoubtedly think that you are in charge of your own destiny and engage in activities that will improve your situation. You work hard to increase your knowledge, skills, and abilities, one keeps track of information for the use of achieving goals. By believing events in your life are dictated by fate, luck, or people in positions,where things don't go well,one might be tempted to give up because you doubt your ability to affect change.

If you would like to have more internal locus of control, connect past success with your knowledge, skills, strategy, and effort. Make it visual by writing or creating a mental map. Do the same for the three major victories - and maybe you will see the patterns.

To understand your locus of control you need to reflect on your beliefs about the degree of control you have over events in your life. This can be done by: 1. Reflecting on situations in the past surrounding challenges and successes. Did you attribute these outcomes to your own actions and choices or did you believe external factors played a larger part? 2. Do some self analysis- do you generally feel in control of your life or are outcomes seen as luck or fare or under other people's influence? Where do you attribute blame? 3. Challenge the beliefs you hold. 4. Take a psychological locus of control scale assessment. 5. Canvas opinions of friends and family (people you trust) to seek feedback on how they see you approaching challenges.

Over the years, I've come to understand that dwelling on the past and its influence on my communication style today serves little purpose and reflects an external locus of control. To overcome this mindset, I've taken proactive steps to enhance my communication skills. I'm focusing on areas such as public speaking, adjusting my speaking pace, practicing active listening, and seeking continuous feedback to refine my communication abilities. Additionally, I'm adopting a targeted approach to building a supportive network of mentors, peers, and advisors whom I engage with regularly. This deliberate effort helps me reduce reliance on external factors and take greater ownership of my communication effectiveness.

I asked myself 'what did I do to deserve this' for so long I believed I didn't deserve anything. No matter how much good I did. No matter how much I helped. I didn't feel deserving of anything. Complete lack of self-worth. Then my coach helped me shift my mindset. Made me realize that I (emphasis on the I) was the only one who believed that. The question 'what did I do to deserve this' hasn't stopped. I still ask it regularly. The difference is my answer to that question... Everything. I've done EVERYTHING to deserve this. Change the way you speak to yourself, and you can change your entire world!

Challenge your negative thoughts by recognising and questioning their validity. Reframe your perspective positively and focus on your strengths. This boosts your confidence, enabling you to communicate more effectively and assertively. Acknowledge that you have control over your reactions and responses, even if external factors influence outcomes.

When it comes to overcoming challenges, Michael Neill's words ring true: "The real still small voice within you doesn’t think you suck." It's a powerful reminder that our inner dialogue shapes our reality. So, if you're feeling like your locus of control is outside of yourself, it's time to flip the script. Challenge those negative thoughts head-on. Instead of letting self-doubt dictate your actions, remind yourself of your strengths and past victories. By cultivating a positive mindset and practicing self-affirmations, you'll find the confidence to assertively communicate your needs and ideas.

In challenging negative thoughts around locus of control we are trying to identify and modify patterns of thinking which reinforce a disempowered mind. You need to practice awareness of unintentional negative thoughts, dropping judgment and reframing them. Writing these down can help. Identify thoughts which reinforce an internal locus of control and carry out reps to make them stick. Identify emotions around thoughts of internal locus of control as these strengthen the belief and drive actions of self empowerment. Question assumptions you are making and cognitively restructure by replacing negative thoughts by realistic ones. Journalling around this is a very powerful practice.

An external locus of control doesn't mean your thoughts are negative. But it does indicate you need to search for the aspects of the situation that you have some power over. Otherwise, you could lose steam quickly.

Be realistic about goals breaking down larger goals into smaller more achievable steps. Focus specifically on those areas around goals that are within your control and celebrate any sense of accomplishment. Goals should be measurable (this is more objective), realistic and ideally time bound to make faster progress.

Make milestones for goals that seem far away from your standpoint and celebrate your progress. Milestones will help you see the pathway and keep you strolling towards the goal. This can create intrinsic motivation. Little celebrations will keep you motivated as well.

SMART goals provide a framework for cultivating a sense of control and purpose, even when external factors seem dominant. For example, if you struggle to express your needs, set a goal like, “In team meetings, I will contribute at least one suggestion or question each session.” These small, measurable steps reinforce a sense of achievement and help you practice assertive communication in manageable increments. As you progress, you’ll find it easier to articulate your needs and advocate for yourself effectively.

Boundaries keep you sane, both personally and professionally. Sometimes, it can be hard to set up boundaries because you may feel that your performance hinges on your ability to say yes to things. But remember, taking more tasks than you can handle will only affect the quality of your work, which is worse than taking on fewer tasks but doing them to an excellent level.

Setting boundaries is so critical to our mental well being and our ability to bounce back from adversity. But more importantly, being able to recognize where to set boundaries is often more difficult than setting them.

The ability to say no and ask for help are foundational skills for assertive communication. When saying no, focus on clarity and respect: “I can’t take on this task right now because I’m at capacity, but I can revisit it next week.” Similarly, when asking for help, be direct and specific: “I need guidance on this report; can we review it together?” Both actions require emotional regulation and self-awareness, ensuring that you assert your boundaries and needs while fostering collaboration and mutual respect.

Resiliency in challenging times requires a stronger sense of self than when emotions are in balance. Empathy is a core building block for avoiding or solving conflict. That said, empathy is only one piece of the toolkit for resilient stability. Actually understanding the other goes further and can create stronger cohabitation and bonds.

Effective communication is a two-way process that requires listening as much as speaking. Active listening involves focusing on the speaker without judgment, using cues like paraphrasing and summarizing to confirm understanding. Empathy deepens this connection, allowing you to acknowledge and validate the emotions of others. For instance, respond to a colleague’s concern with, “I hear that this deadline feels overwhelming. How can we manage it together?” This approach builds trust, reduces defensiveness, and sets the stage for open, productive conversations.

There is no success without being unsuccessful. There is no progress without having de-progressed first. What many might think of as "negative" - feedback, failure, mistakes, etc. - are actually all synergistic positives.

Feedback is a powerful tool for refining communication skills and shifting from an external to an internal locus of control. Proactively ask colleagues or mentors for input on how you convey your thoughts: “What could I improve in the way I presented my ideas in that meeting?” Accept feedback without defensiveness, using it as a roadmap for growth. When mistakes occur, reflect on them constructively. Acknowledge what you could control, identify lessons, and adjust your approach. This mindset demonstrates resilience and reinforces your ability to learn from every interaction.