How can you build a coaching relationship based on empathy and respect?

The coach needs to be totally present in the conversations to reflect empathy and respect to the client. The coach can take a deep breath just prior to the start of the session and clear the mind from any other distractions. Demonstrate empathy by allowing silence during the session when that helps the client Note the non verbal body language and respond to it Ensure the client feels a coaching ambience that is psychologically safe and free from judgement to allow exploration of any thoughts or issues.

Active Listening: Demonstrate genuine interest, focus, and understanding during conversations. Validate Emotions: Acknowledge and respect the coachee's feelings, fostering a supportive atmosphere. Celebrate Wins: Recognize and applaud achievements to boost confidence and motivation. Safe Environment: Create a non-judgmental space for open and honest dialogue. Individualized Approach: Appreciate the uniqueness of each coachee's journey and goals. Empathetic Understanding: Show empathy by comprehending and connecting with the coachee's challenges

A coachee must demonstrate empathy by practicing active listening. Active listening involves deep level of listening to listen the unsaid. For which one needs to give full attention to the coachee, listen without judgment, and seek to understand their perspective, body language and try to listen the unsaid through all your observations and questioning. Reflecting back what you hear shows respect for their experiences and feelings.

Active listening seems to be undervalued in the corporate environment, where air time might be valued a lot more, especially in meetings where senior stakeholders present and employees might feel like they have to show up in a best light (and as a result instead of actively listening to colleagues they might be thinking about what they are going to say). Therefore, it is really important to raise awareness and promote active listening across the companies at all levels.

Establishing an empathetic and respectful coaching relationship involves active listening and understanding. Begin with rapport-building conversations to uncover the coachee's values and goals. Use reflective listening, paraphrasing, and open-ended questions to demonstrate empathy. For instance, if a coachee expresses a challenge, respond with, "I hear you're facing [challenge]. How does that impact your goals?" Respectful communication involves acknowledging diverse perspectives and avoiding judgment. Encourage coachees to share openly, ensuring they feel heard and valued. Regularly check in on their emotional well-being, fostering a supportive environment for growth.

I coached an employee that the company was ready to write off. Her attitude had gone downhill, her performance less consistent, and her willingness to participate had diminished. We met once weekly via zoom for six weeks and I made myself available via telephone in between. At the first meeting I told her that it is my goal to listen and understand. I started it off with a question about work and she unloaded. It was not up to me to determine if what she said was fact or not, but it is my job to validate her feelings and acknowledge. This helped her to feel like our conversations were a safe space, and free of judgement. We developed a plan and her performance improved over time because she felt heard and listed to.

A very important aspect to bear in mind whilst validating and acknowledging a Coachee's perspective and trigger responses, is to restrain one's impulse to say "I have been there too, and here's what happened to me, and how I responded". Doing that immediately takes focus away from the coachee onto the Coach herself, and has the opposite effect of invalidating the Coachee's self-expression. It doesn't allow for holding space for the Coachee. Rather, validating a Coachee's experience can be as simple as saying "I can understand how difficult that must have been" and genuinely appreciating their honesty and thanking them for sharing what they have shared in this "safe space."

Challenging and support are two essential components in the coaching process, working in tandem to facilitate personal and professional growth. Striking the right balance between challenging individuals and providing support creates a dynamic environment that encourages learning, self-discovery, and positive change. Introducing challenges pushes individuals beyond their comfort zones, encouraging them to explore new possibilities and perspectives. Concurrent support provides a safety net, reassuring individuals that they have the encouragement and resources to navigate unfamiliar territory.

Adapting is a fundamental building block of a Coach's skill repository. This does not mean adapting one's coaching style between challenging or supporting one's Coachee or to reframe the approach, content in response to their goals. But also to be agile enough to recognize that as the process unfolds, some goals and milestones set at the very beginning may need re-visiting - simply because either they are no longer relevant, or because at some level, the Coachee has healed themselves of that situation; or something else may have surfaced. Collaboration is also about creating constant feedback loops, seeking the client's buy-in, acting as an observer, suggesting a course of action to try for sometime, and then to recalibrate as needed.

Quite often, a Coachee is also looking to the Coach for experiential answers. "What did you do when you were faced with this?" "How did you navigate such a situation?" At this time of the journey, sharing one's experience and behaviours as a Coach, will create more trust, honesty and a sense of "this person understands because they were once like me, and they were able to triumph over it." This is where the Coach's own life stories and examples of successes and more importantly failures or setbacks comes in; to build credibility and to avoid being seen as someone who can only preach to the choir from above. True inspiration can only come from demonstrating qualities and behaviours one wants one's Coachee to now embody on their journey.

Any Coaching journey will be non-linear. It is likely to be more like a crab dance (a sideways movement and not always forward-moving). Progress will be made in leaps and bounds on some occasions and at other times, the Coachee may feel stuck or un-inspired. The important and most empathetic thing to do then, as a Coach, is to accept, acknowledge their journey with utmost respect without challenging or judging them, and instead applauding them for all the progress made till date. And giving them the confidence, the tools and the support to help them back up. Sometimes, what I do in such situations, is to give them a very right-brained creative exercise to do; which suddenly opens up their blocks, and gets them back on the path.