How can you avoid common communication mistakes when feeling defensive?

Recognizing and acknowledging your defensiveness is a crucial first step in managing communication challenges. Look for both thoughts as well as physical manifestations of these triggers. Pay attention to your internal dialogue when you sense defensiveness arising. What thoughts are running through your mind? Are you immediately dismissing the other person's perspective, feeling attacked, or becoming overly critical? Recognizing these thought patterns can help you gain insight into your defensive reactions. Also pay attention to physical sensations, such as tension in your body, an increased heart rate, or a sense of unease. These may be indicators that you're feeling defensive.

Keep calm and rooted at all costs otherwise you won't recognize and acknowledge anything with a free and concentrated mind. Watch your thoughts and let them pass by but don't surpress them. Learn to let them just come in and flow out whenever they want. The actual problem is that as soon as you give your thoughts attention, you are trapped.

Self-awareness is useful in being able to recognize when you react defensively to someone or something because it makes you reflect on where your behaviors are rooted. Was it linked to something from a past experience or perhaps from conditioning? Being able to recognize what makes you tick will aid your ability to build a responsive mechanism (rather than a reactionary one) and to communicate with yourself and others more effectively.

Practice moving from self-awareness to self-management. Remember that practice happens before the 'moment that matters.' Athletes practice before the game or race. Dancers and actors rehearse before the performance. We have to learn our triggers and understand what brings us back from a triggered state before we are in the moment when we are heightened and interacting with someone else. That's not the time to practice. Reflection is critically important. Spend time each day... or at least every week... reflecting on what happened, when you felt especially good or bad, and what changed your emotional state to get you heightened or back to baseline. That knowledge will help you 'in the moment' when you need it most.

Il est souvent difficile pour une personne douée d'une sensibilité élevée d'identifier les déclencheurs dans la mesure où elle est dans un état de déséquilibre émotionnel. Cet état ne permet souvent pas d'avoir un regard objectif sur la situation. Avant d'identifier le ou les éléments déclencheurs, il est capital de prendre conscience de son état et de l'accepter. Se recentrer, se calmer est la priorité pour, ensuite, clarifier les perturbateurs.

The more upset you are, the more important it is to pause. You never ever want to react out of anger, frustration, or defensiveness.

Soyez doux avec vous même. Une émotion négative vous traverse. Soit ! Qu’il en soit ainsi. C’est comme ?a. Laissez là venir. C’est une vague, elle ne va pas vous noyer. Elle va se déployer et passer. Vous n’avez pas à être parfait ni à briller à chaque instant. La vie est un apprentissage et nous sommes imparfaits. Donc déjà : pas de regard critique sur soi même. Assumez. D’être perturbé, dérangé, pas au top. Et dites le. Nous ne sommes pas des robots ?? et si la communication était si facile et si modélisable que cela, nous, les communiquant aguerris aurions été remplacés par des systèmes depuis longtemps. ??

Recognizing this type of situations is very important in todays work. Also when you are not defensive but realize that someone else is, it is good to pause conversation and this way help other person to calm down.

Pausing is a great tool to render when the pressure to react is bubbling at the surface. There are many different variables to pausing - taking a breath or a drink of water, excusing yourself momentarily from the situation, counting backward from ten to one or even taking a moment to connect with the present via one of your senses. Provide a few options to yourself and utilize them the next time you feel defensive and practice using them as necessary.

C'est pour moi la priorité : respirer. C'est grace à la respiration que le retour à soi, en son centre, la mise entre parenthèses du monde extérieur est possible, le temps de recouvrer son calme. Une main sur le thorax, la seconde sur l'abdomen, les yeux ouverts ou fermés (idéal), inspirer doucement par le nez et expirer par la bouche comme si vous soufflez dans une paille (à boire). Cela permet d'expirer plus longtemps et ainsi de retrouver plus rapidement un équilibre interne. Il est évident que, si nécessaire, la personne doit s'isoler pour faire cet exercice : sortir, aller dans une pièce inoccupée, dans les toilettes... Le retour au calme permet de sortir du brouillard cérébral.

Mindfulness encourages active listening. When you're fully present in a conversation, you're more likely to truly hear what the other person is saying without jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. This can prevent misunderstandings and communication mistakes.

It might be helpful to try listen as though you are listening to two other people talking; you're not in it, you're an observer. Stepping out of being emotionally involved (even picturing yourself observing the conversation from the ceiling!) can help with listening more objectively. If a friend was recounting the conversation to you, you wouldn't take it personally; how can you practice that in the moment, and therefore avoid feeling defensive?

One of the most common communication missteps is 'listening to respond' because your mind is wandering about yourself and your experiences, which causes you to not truly understand what the other person has to say. Be attentive to their words. Connect with them - not from the standpoint of sharing about yourself, but authentically connecting with their standpoint and feelings. Utilizing the 'what I hear you saying' lead-in effectively shows a blend of empathy and respect. Allow the conversation to ebb and flow among you and be present in the moment.

Mon conseil serait de ne pas parler sous l'effet de ce déséquilibre interne qui génère des paroles non ma?trisées, parfois qui dépassent nos pensées, que l'on regrette généralement et, par conséquent, nous déstabilisent d'autant plus. Un sentiment de perte de crédibilité appara?t laissant place à celui du manque d'estime de soi et de confiance en soi. Apprendre à s'excuser parce que l'on ne se sent pas bien, à se retirer, et proposer de reprendre la conversation dans les meilleures délais est pour moi un vrai exercice à entra?ner, à mettre en place et qui permet de gagner en compréhension de son mode de fonctionnement et en acceptation.

For some reason listening tend to be one of the difficult aspects. Many want urgently to have their saying and tell own perspective on on the topic… but this way understanding what others are trying to say is exceptionally minimal. All concentration goes towards what you want to say and not towards what message others are trying to say. Awareness of others and combining facts and feelings could be something that will help you to become a better listener

Acknowledging and validating someone else's position when it is offensive to you is one of the hardest things to do. It does not come automatically so you will literally need to deliberately calm yourself down in that moment, breathe, tell yourself you can do it, and genuinely tell them you hear what they are saying. Not everything needs to be validated, especially if untrue, but you can at least hear what is being said and react calmly. Key here is to stay calm and try to understand where they are coming from. Over time and with intentionality, we get better at this - it's not easy!

I always prefer to share feelings rather than making judgments about the other person. I use "I feel" statements to convey my emotions without placing blame. If something is unclear or seems accusatory, ask for clarification rather than making assumptions. This can prevent misunderstandings and provide an opportunity for the other person to elaborate on their perspective. Once you see that the conversation involves constructive feedback, try to view it as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack. Reflect on the feedback and consider how you can improve.

When people work together, different opinions and ways of doing work collide. Being respectful to others opinions and understanding that wether others opinions are good or bad, they are the way people think and there might be something to be learned.

Another part of "validate" is confirming that the message sent is the same as the message received. Sometimes we'll have parallel conversations with others because we're using similar/same words but with different meanings. The other person may have said something not (as) negative as we thought. We'll project our own feelings and interpretations into the conversation, manufacturing conflict where it didn't exist. And a communication mistake has been created. Instead of becoming defensive, ask for clarification to seek understanding. It will allow for two important acts: 1. the receiver can better learn the sender's communication style and 2. the sender to better temper messaging when communicating feedback.

Acknowledgment and validation is such a simple yet powerful tool because it’s a way to not only take accountability but also it helps show that you are listening. Doing this does not mean that you agree, it’s just saying that I see you and I hear you.

Using 'I' statements is a great way to respond assertively. They communicate how you are feeling?? which can help the other person understand your emotions and what's important to you in the conversation.

Good advice for this is to say for example: ”I’ haven’t thought about this this way…” ”I’m not sure how I feel about this….” This way conversation might move forward and new new aspects arise for considerations.

Uma pessoa que tem habilidade de responder assertivamente, na prática, se comunica de uma clara sobre seus sentimentos e necessidades. é uma forma que está no meio termo entre o que chamamos de "engolir sapo" e "soltar os cachorros". Quando "engolimos sapos", estamos sendo passivos diante de uma situa??o e isso pode acontecer por diferentes motivos como medo de decepcionar o outro, inseguran?a ou até mesmo por um sentimento de insuficiência perante o outro. Quando "soltamos os cachorros" estamos usando um tipo de comunica??o violenta que coloca a outra pessoa em uma condi??o de inferioridade e esta, por sua vez, pode reagir de maneira agressiva, levar para o lado pessoal, etc. Portanto, ser assertivo faz parte do desenvolvimento da IE.

Responder de forma asertiva implica expresar tus opiniones y necesidades de manera clara y respetuosa. Utiliza un tono de voz firme pero amigable. Comienza reconociendo la opinión del otro. Expresa tu perspectiva utilizando "yo" en lugar de "tú", evitando culpar. Usa lenguaje positivo y específico. Establece límites de manera directa y respetuosa. Sé receptivo a la retroalimentación, pero mantén tu postura. Practica el contacto visual y una postura abierta. Concluye reafirmando tu disposición a colaborar. La asertividad construye relaciones saludables al comunicar con claridad y respeto.

Its important to notice that your body language can say a lot. Pay attention to your body language. Avoid crossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, or displaying other defensive postures. Open and relaxed body language can signal that you are receptive to the conversation.

Come to a common ground ,may be not immediately after the mismatch. at a latter stage within the day or week sit together with an open mind to understand the other person's thoughts. By seeking feedback what made them provide that reaction may enlighten you to understand their perspective.

First, select a suitable moment to discuss feedback, ensuring it's a private and conducive environment where both parties can communicate openly without distractions. Start the conversation by expressing your openness to feedback. You might say something like, "I value our communication, and I'm open to hearing your thoughts on how I can improve." For example, you can ask, "I've been reflecting on my communication lately, and I'm curious to know if there are specific things I could do differently. Can you share your observations or thoughts?" Frame your request using "I" statements to emphasize that you're seeking personal insights rather than placing blame.

Para evitar malentendidos cuando uno se siente a la defensiva, es buscar retroalimentación de la otra persona. Así se demuestra un interés genuino, lo que me permite tener una mejor comunicación con los demás.

Using open questions can build bridges and take both parts to a new level. For example: What du you think I can learn from this? What should we do with these insights?

Empathy is a superpower in communication & relationships. When you really make an effort to get where the other person is coming from, even if you disagree, it opens up the door to better conversations & problem-solving.

When seeking feedback, encourage the person to provide specific examples or instances where they observed certain communication patterns. Concrete examples help you better understand the context and can guide you in making targeted improvements.

I much appreciate the insight/suggestion provided by @Osnat (Os) Benari. I would just offer that the suggestion to "encourage the person to provide specific examples or instances where they observed certain communication patterns" should be handled with delicacy and open mindedness, along with willingness to handle the response with grace. I could see myself (ego driven) to come across as challenging, as in, "Oh yeah? Like when? Give me an example" (maybe even challenging the example, by minimizing or denying). Better stated, "This might be hard for you to say, maybe harder for me to hear, but do you think you could help me better understand where you see me falling short - maybe even give me some specific examples?"

"I understand that we approach this from different angles..." This will help the other one to consider her/his argumentation.

Learning to be and to live in the moment, is the key. There is nothing else than the here and now and wasting this precious moment which will, by the way never come back, with outbursts, defensive state mechanisms, emotional stubborness or negative actions, actually is as such in the end, a crime to yourself because the harm you create is severe and will show usually late, then when it is too late.