How can you avoid being seen as a "yes" person?

Declining extra work while maintaining a good rapport with colleagues and managers requires a delicate balance. 1: Be Clear and Direct: Example: "I appreciate you thinking of me for this task. However, I am currently focusing on [mention your current project/task] which requires my full attention to meet the upcoming deadline." 2: Offer Alternative Solutions: Example: "Perhaps [Colleague's Name] might be interested in taking up this task? Alternatively, I could potentially handle this after [mention when your current project/task is expected to complete]."

Living and working strategically is a hard thing to do because of FOMO - the Fear of Missing Out: what if that thing you chose to not give your time to proves to be important? But living out of fear - of missing opportunities, of upsetting people whose priorities don't match yours - is a hard life, one that takes its toll in the long run. Experience shows that when you are transparent about your priorities (and the energy they require from you) and empathic in your refuse to put them at risk in order to please others or indulge yourself in more pleasant activities that yield lower value, things fall into place. People understand. You get to see things done. That's how you build the priorities muscle.

In a military context, balance cooperation with assertiveness. Offer alternatives to show critical thinking. Seize the initiative, being proactive beyond assignments. Know limits, understanding roles and authority boundaries. Build relationships for trust and credibility. Know when to say "no" respectfully if tasks conflict with principles or capacity. Assertiveness doesn't mean disrespect; strive for balance contributing positively to the team and mission while maintaining integrity.

The power of saying "NO" and identifying your capacity. You may be good at delivering what you do in certain ways. Sometimes you will reach your maximum bandwidth. At that point, you need to jot down the most important activity that needs to be done along with the time frame, and you should not add more work to your bucket. You need to take care of your personal growth while you are working for your organization.

How can you understand your priorities especially when there are heaps of multiple conflicting priorities? Reflect along these lines: -How does committing to a priority over another task help you in adding value to your role ? -Have you been getting dragged into too many areas and you feel that it is burning you out ? Time to then consider dropping some of the load and focus on what helps you grow, learn and be in your flow state.

In my experience, boundaries are helpful to guide people on what and what they can approach you for. It's great to be the "handy man" around but saying "no" once in a while with clarification wakes people up to the reality that you are not a dumping ground for every and anything. A purposeful career/life is one with meaningful contribution and not one for "any and everything goes"

Establishing boundaries at work is crucial, yet it's equally important to demonstrate a readiness to collaborate and devise solutions. You might consider expressing it in this manner: "I am open to discussing how we can reallocate the workload to make room for this task. Your insight and assistance in prioritizing tasks would be greatly appreciated."

The key to having a successful professional life and peace of mind is to set clear boundaries in your life. Do not go beyond your capabilities just because of peer pressure, or to impress others. Learn to say No if you want to have a successful and peaceful life.

Your boundaries should also include being aware of your capabilities. For instance, you maybe presented with an opportunity to lead a team or take points on a budget meeting or open a new branch. While it is a great learning experience, if you don’t feel up for it, you have to turn it down. Taking up new challenges can be exciting and there will be circumstances throughout your career where you are presented with what seems as growth opportunities but if your are not ready for it; for personal or professional reasons, feel free to say no.

What if boundaries were not about what you do not do, but about what you do? "I am focusing on X in order to achieve Y" is so much more effective than "I don't have time / energy / interest to do W". What if boundaries were about giving your best value, instead of not liking something? "I work best in the morning, please find a slot before noon" is so much more effective than "I don't want to / can't meet you later today". Boundaries empower you to add value. Seeing them as "yes" to something great instead of saying "no" to others helps.

I have always considered that being a yes person seen through the mirror of fear of criticism and anxiety has a deeper root in early childhood stages and the way we have interacted with our parents through early development stages. A hiper critical adult that chooses to reward the infant only when an almost impossible to reach set of criteria is achieved, but adheres to punitive measures (even if these may seem harmless at the moment) in case of a less than perfect outcome will plant the seed of self doubt and early insecurity that will later bloom into full anxiety, fear of saying no because they may be considered weaker than their peers but also a constant feeling of insecurity while executing any task due to possible criticism intake.

Fear of being wrong drive most people to the point of being a people pleaser. I have learnt that feedback can be a commendation, correctional or directional. The most perfect people are already 6feets under; everyone above 6feet are a work in progress, so be happy to receive feedback and dont't wait to be given but seek it.

Seeking external validation may sometimes come about due to lack of recognition at work or working in a highly competitive work culture that may at times encourage toxic behaviours. To avoid being a people-pleaser, take a step back and really ask yourself if it is worth doing something just for the sake of it. Change can only be effected when it comes from within. - Work on yourself, dive in deeper into your core values, what makes you unique, what genuinely interests and excites you. -What is a challenge that you are looking forward to learning and growing and would not mind moving outside of your comfort zone to learn?

It's hard to seek feedback when you think it's about you. Easier to ask for it when you understand it's about how the others feel (because it's subjective!) about your impact on them in a particular context. The course of action you took helped or not that person in that context. It fit or not their needs and preferences. When you contextualize other people's inputs it's easy to think about how you want to play your cards in similar contexts; you give yourself space to choose yes, no and everything in-between without the unpleasant emotions associated with seeing feedback as a universally valid judgement of your personality, capabilities etc.

It may not be always easy for these groups of people to say no: -Someone who is heavily burned out at work or works under a toxic leadership. -Depending on the cultural context and there are layers of hierarchy, being vocal and questioning practices etc may sometimes be perceived as a lack of respect. -A naturally introverted person who does not like being in the centre of attention. Some pointers to make this work : - Being assertive is not the same as being arrogant. Don't mistake being assertive to be arrogant. Assertion is in fact confidence. Develop your confidence with your building your skills and communicate your value effectively. -Reframe this as a conversation and underscore your interest in wanting to improve yourself.

I hear you, it can be hard to pushback from the mainstream narrative. One way to combat this is to simply ask a question. Rather than strongly saying “this or that is wrong / bad / outdated” — you could ask “how else could we approach this?” “Is there another way?” This opens doors for conversation, rather than conflict

A great example where being a yes embracer just to avoid conflict can harm you is trying to advance through management ranks in the corporate world. While a small team can be "tamed" by a manager always choosing the peaceful ways of expressing opinions and orders, a middle sized team will already require a different approach, always agreeing with each member becoming virtually impossible. The same will happen in the upper directorial roles, where you have to interact with higher EGOs, VP who share conflictual opinions, unclear strategies ready to be interpreted before being cascaded towards lower management. The need to learn how to say no becomes directly proportional with the rank level.

Sharing different opinion can help with robust options in decision making. One should dare to be different. A good question to ask will be "what are we mising out by going this way?" what else should be considered?

If you are not motivated by recognition, you're likely not going to put energy into celebrating things you did well. But here's the thing: if you don't do it, you're depriving yourself from positive feelings that reinforce the good behaviours and decisions that led to your success. You fail to build the success muscle: the self-image and self-esteem that empower you to continue to be successful. See celebration as self-care. The more you practice it, the more capable you are to continue your achievement stride.

Smart people celebrate wins; no matter how little. That will be a good way to send some motivations up to the brain and that strenghtens the will to do more the next time.

Stay humble, but visible and involved. Make sure you exist in the grander equation of success by using statements such as "I couldn't have done it without you", "We have worked together as a team, and now x positive results are showing off", " x idea is great and I am lucky I was one of those who chose and worked to implement it". If you cannot fix being a yes person because it is already a feature embedded within your personality, at least do yourself a favor and allow yourself to embrace the perks. Make yourself the person anyone needs on their table.

In my experience, there are some requests that may feel like you cannot say no to. It could be as a result of potential long term benefits in your career or the particular person making the request. In that case, feel free to employ a ‘conditional yes’. It gives you the opportunity to align the task with your needs, capabilities and schedule and also it communicates to the requester that they need to check with you for future tasks. Ensure to give a good reason for your response, this could be that you have limited resources , time or more pressing priorities at the moment.