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Last updated on 2024年6月28日

Here's how you can handle feedback with a defensive colleague.

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Navigating the tricky waters of workplace dynamics can be daunting, especially when it involves giving feedback to a colleague who tends to get defensive. It's a common scenario that many face in their careers, and handling it with tact and empathy is crucial for maintaining a positive work environment and fostering professional growth. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to provide constructive criticism to a colleague who doesn't take it well, there are effective strategies you can use to facilitate a more receptive dialogue.

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Stephanie Yesil

I Turn Educators Into Corporate Leaders // Your Professional Development Powerhouse // Done With Teaching? Ready To…

1 Understand Emotions

When preparing to give feedback to a defensive colleague, it's important to recognize the emotional undercurrents at play . Defensiveness is often rooted in insecurity or fear of failure, so approaching the conversation with sensitivity is key. Before diving into the feedback, take a moment to empathize with your colleague's perspective. Acknowledge their efforts and the challenges they may be facing. This can help lower their guard and make them more open to what you have to say.

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Riya Ramesh Jain

Lead Career Coach | Speak to me if you seek excellence in your career | Want to be a career coach ping me
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In my opinion, when you are preparing to give feedback to a defensive colleague, it's crucial to be aware of the emotional dynamics involved. Defensiveness often stems from insecurity or fear of failure, so approaching the conversation with sensitivity is essential. Take a moment to empathize with their perspective before offering feedback. Acknowledge their efforts and the challenges they may be facing. This can help lower their defenses and make them more receptive to your feedback.

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2 Choose Timing

Timing can make a significant difference in how your feedback is received. Look for a moment when your colleague is least likely to be stressed or overwhelmed. Avoid public settings which might embarrass them or trigger a defensive reaction. Instead, opt for a private, neutral space where the conversation can be conducted without interruptions. This shows respect for their feelings and can help create a calm environment where your colleague is more likely to listen.

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3 Be Specific

When delivering feedback, specificity is your ally. Vague comments can lead to misunderstandings and increased defensiveness. Clearly articulate what actions or behaviors you are addressing, and provide concrete examples. This helps your colleague understand the exact nature of the issue and reduces the likelihood of them feeling personally attacked. Focus on the impact of their actions rather than their intentions, which can help keep the conversation objective.

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4 Use "I" Statements

To minimize defensiveness, frame your feedback using "I" statements . This technique shifts the focus from your colleague's actions to your own perceptions and feelings. For example, say "I noticed that..." instead of "You did...". This approach can help your colleague see the feedback as your perspective rather than an absolute critique, making it easier for them to digest and consider.

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5 Encourage Dialogue

Feedback should be a two-way street. After sharing your thoughts, encourage your colleague to express their viewpoint . Ask open-ended questions that prompt reflection and discussion, such as "How do you feel about this?" or "What's your take on the situation?". This not only shows that you value their input but also helps them feel involved in finding a solution rather than just being on the receiving end of criticism.

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6 Offer Support

Finally, offer your support in addressing the feedback. Discuss potential solutions and strategies that could help your colleague improve. Assure them that your goal is to help them succeed and that you're willing to assist in any way you can. This positive reinforcement can transform a potentially tense situation into an opportunity for growth and collaboration.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Stephanie Yesil

I Turn Educators Into Corporate Leaders // Your Professional Development Powerhouse // Done With Teaching? Ready To Elevate Your Career? // Let’s Talk. ??
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Well placed QUESTIONS instead of statements can really grease the wheels in making someone feel seen, heard, and understood. Instead of "I noticed..." or "This needs to change...", launch with a "How do you feel [blank] is going?" or "What are your noticings on [blank topic]?" Let them lead the conversation through their own observation and tackle the issue as a peer in a think-tank rather than coming at them as a trainer. They're adults. They're professionals. Unless they've done something that is outrageously egregious and/or dangerous, treat them like you're their partner in course correcting the subject at hand rather than course correcting THEM.

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Here's how you can handle feedback with a defensive colleague.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Understand Emotions

2 Choose Timing

3 Be Specific

4 Use "I" Statements

5 Encourage Dialogue

6 Offer Support

7 Here’s what else to consider

Career Development

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Here's how you can handle feedback with a defensive colleague.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Understand Emotions

2 Choose Timing

3 Be Specific

4 Use "I" Statements

5 Encourage Dialogue

6 Offer Support

7 Here’s what else to consider

Career Development

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