Here's how you can handle conflicts with your boss mindfully and constructively.

Remember, the storm is just in the cup! Staying calm is like keeping your boat steady in choppy waters. It’s challenging yet crucial. My client once had a disagreement with a supervisor over project priorities. Instead of reacting impulsively, she took a deep breath and gave self the space to calm down. This simple act transformed what could have been a heated exchange into a constructive dialogue.

Mindfulness can enhance rapport and trust in salary negotiations by promoting presence, empathy, and authenticity. This can be achieved through mindful preparation, active listening, empathetic communication, non-reactivity, focus on win-win solutions, transparency, patience, and gratitude. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can navigate challenging conversations with confidence and integrity, fostering a more constructive and mutually beneficial outcome. This approach can lead to more constructive and beneficial outcomes.

In my experience, taking a pause during conflict or confrontations with a boss can be really effective to take things down a level and give both parties a chance to reflect, think, and respond rather than continue reacting. Often when we are reactive (defensive, angry, scared, hurt) - we are in a fight or flight or freeze state. This puts us in survival mode, which makes it really hard to access our frontal lobe - our higher thinking. Without this, we cannot problem solve. We just want to defend ourselves to survive (the threat is the boss). If we take a moment to pause, breathe, and then ask clarity questions and encourage a dialogue, we can often soften the conflict and come to a compromise rather than feeling resistance and resentment.

Take a moment to ground yourself and acknowledge any emotions that arise. It's natural to feel stressed or frustrated, but mindfulness teaches us to observe these feelings without judgment. Next, approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to understand your boss's perspective. Active listening is key here; really hear what they're saying without interrupting or formulating your response in your head. Once you've grasped their viewpoint, express your own thoughts calmly and respectfully. Use "I" statements to convey how you feel and the impact the conflict is having on you. Remember, the goal isn't to "win" the argument but to find a mutually beneficial resolution.

It is a common instinct to respond defensively. Most issues come from a lack of communication or a misunderstanding. I try to get to the root of the problem and glean anything that can be a starting point to resolve.

Easier said than done, right? One simple exercise I share with clients is to imagine that all of the history you've had with your boss is a file cabinet appearing behind them. You imagine that this file cabinet simply disappears, and you're now observing this person with present-moment freshness. In doing this, you're not projecting your judgments, anger, or resentment onto the interaction. You can listen objectively, and openly, and therefore be able to respond to the conflict with greater clarity.

Listening is the silent song of caring. It’s not just about hearing words; it’s about understanding the symphony behind them. When you truly listen, you validate the other person’s feelings and perspectives. This does not mean you agree, but it shows you respect their stance. It’s magical how this opens doors to better communication!

If there is a conflict, we are probably listening to respond and not actively listening. What I try to do is to listen for points of agreement where we can begin to work for a resolution. This is harder with weak leaders that would rather avoid conflict. They tens to drop a bomb and walk away and have no interest in being involved in an uncomfortable conversation. I prefer, " I heard what you said and want to understand why you feel..." and follow with any point where we may have a different point of view.

Don't always think you have to respond in the heat of the moment. It's okay to take some time and process things before you respond. I often like to follow up with an email, "following up on our conversation, I have thought about it and agree that... but would like to better understand how I (we) can work to improve..." This also gives both of you a written record of your discussion.

If there is something I may not agree with, I will seek out others opinions to make sure I am blind to a problem. There are times I have had to admit I was part of the problem without even knowing it, but other times it might mean we need to find a solution and then I like to review at 30, 60 and 90 days to make sure we agree that the issue is getting better or is resolved.

More than just reflecting, I seek out input of the other party to see see how we can prevent issues going forward. This may mean you have to change the avenue or frequency of communications. If you find that you have a shortcoming in a given area, seek out books, videos or even a mentor to help you grow and improve.

As a general rule: big feelings are old feelings. And old feelings often involve deep-rooted feelings tied to one's sense of self-worth. When someone feels their self-worth is threatened, they are likely to lash out defensively. These underlying issues can be nearly impossible to figure out in the heat of an argument. However, mindfulness creates the space to recognize these underlying issues in yourself and others, which can provide insight into the core issues underlying the argument.

Keep the bridges intact even when the waters are rough. Maintaining a professional relationship doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with your boss, but it does mean you should respect the professional bond you share. It’s about nurturing a garden where respect and kindness bloom alongside accountability and performance.

What struck me the most about this is the very question this article attempts to address. I kept wondering what it would be like if it was an article on "Here's how you can handle conflict with your employees mindfully and constructively." As a leader, it is my responsibility to address issues, concerns, create pathways, and clear blockers. It is my responsibility to be aware of and resolve conflict and to intentionally build an environment in which my team is comfortable speaking up (respectfully). The onus should not on the people we lead.

Don’t forget to sprinkle a little humor and humility into your interactions. A light-hearted comment or a humble acknowledgment of a shared struggle can ease tensions and build a stronger connection. Remember, the goal isn't to win the battle, but to win the peace. As they say, "Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it." Dance through the raindrops, and you’ll see the sunshine soon enough!

During a disagreement with your boss, don't just defend your position. Approach the situation with genuine curiosity about their perspective. Ask open-ended questions to understand their concerns and underlying needs. Frame the situation as a collaborative problem-solving exercise, where you're both working towards a solution that benefits everyone. By focusing on the "we" instead of the "me," you foster a more open and productive dialogue, increasing the chances of reaching a mutually agreeable solution that strengthens your working relationship with your boss.