Here's how you can enhance your professional network by developing social skills as a freelancer.

Active listening is crucial, extending beyond hearing words to fully understanding messages. My experience of the military, lays it very clear that, the communication is the most important part of leadership. In life, especially as a freelancer, communication helps build strong networks. But how do we do that? Conversations should be dominated by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and asking insightful questions and moreover, "listen to listen". This builds rapport and trust, making people more likely to remember and refer you and that's traction in this world of communication and social media.

As a freelancer, growing your professional network and connections and using your social skills is paramount. You do not have the luxury of a big company brand behind you - you are your own brand. However, in my opinion, it's not about the quantity of people you have in your network, it is the quality of connections you have. In order to build strong connections, you have to show up as the authentic you and speak in a way that people love to listen to you and listen in such a way that people love to speak to you. The last year of being a freelancer has taught me the subtle difference between Connecting (building genuine relationships) vs. Networking (focusing on expanding your network). Active Listening goes a long way in achieving this.

Before attending networking events or meetings, research the people you might interact with. Knowing their background can help you ask insightful questions and show genuine interest. Focus entirely on the speaker without planning your response while they are talking. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and perspectives.

Are you listening while framing a response ? Are you listening with “is this a potential client/repeat opp” running in the back of your mind ? Then no amount of nodding along, making eye contact or using one’s first name will make it active listening. The goal of listening is to genuinely connect with another human’s experience and make sure they “get gotten”.

When interacting with others, demonstrate a sincere interest in their lives and work. Ask about their passions, challenges, and successes Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Respond to these cues with empathy, such as offering a comforting word if someone seems distressed.

Empathy for others without self-awareness is vanity. In other words, do your inner work and understand your own blindspots, patterns and triggers - and being kind and accepting of this, will also lead to greater empathy for others. Also remember that you may be struggling with too much empathy - sometimes that gets in the way of truly holding space for the other person’s experiences.

When you want to expand your network of contacts as a freelancer, it is important to connect with people with simple language, avoiding technical and complex language, which generates more questions and takes you away from your original objective. Staying close to your potential clients, suppliers and collaborators is more important than showing yourself as a technical expert. Finding the connection points, where both parties agree and can reach agreements, is key to developing the relationship.

When communicating, especially in professional settings, keep your messages clear and to the point. Avoid unnecessary jargon and ensure your main points are easy to understand. When initiating conversations, be clear about your purpose. Whether it’s seeking advice, offering help, or simply networking, stating your intentions upfront can prevent misunderstandings.

The mom test or the 8 year old test “Explain it to an 8 year old” is a good way to think about how you communicate what you do/your value. Also remember that some people really like to get into the weeds and deep end quickly - self-awareness is key here, so that you can easily map your base style to that of your listener and can shift styles on the go.

If you grew up in high cortisol early environments or spent many adult years in one, chances are your “Survival OS” is online - this means that social awareness needed to be shut down in service of survival - recognize these patterns, and this can persist long after you get past survival phases. IF this is the case, seek the help of a trusted other to translate and help with reading social cues and help articulate unsaid social norms.

Conflict negotiation coaching without nervous system coaching, is like learning to swim on dry land. In other words, what’s happening to our nervous systems during high conflict moments ? Our thinking brain gets hijacked and then we are at the mercy of our primitive systems which act in service of our survival. Self-awareness is about interrogating these patterns, sadly so many of us have spent so much of our lives being in these survival fight/flight/freeze responses that this needs unlearning.